TENSION EASILY AVOIDABLE
Who has no tension? Perhaps everyone has. We all know, tension takes place in mind. Mind controls all actions which we perform. It can, thus, be said that the moment we cease to perform action, tension would vanish. But, so long as we alive, we continue to perform actions and tension would continue to remain as part and parcel of our existence. In other words, so long as we alive, tension in us would do. Therefore, it can be said that tension is a permanent feature and it cannot be altogether avoided. At the same time, it can be said that it can well be managed if we manage our sentiments and emotions positively. It is not so difficult.
There is saying that too much of anything is bad. There is also an idiom, ‘Last Straw Breaks The Camel Back’ ( अति सर्वत्र वर्जयेत ). It can thus be said that excessive tension is like poison. Sustainability of body depends upon the gravity of tension which is generated in the body. The more it is grave, the more degeneration in the body takes place. Therefore, in order to increase sustainability of the body, generation of tension needs be checked. Not only that we need to develop such a mechanism that, if tension is generated, it should not remain in the mind for longer period.
On what basis can it be said that tension is permanent feature. In fact, tension is the result of the actions and reactions which are continuously milling in our life. It can be said that the world is made of actions and reactions.
Actions and reactions are nothing but the forces which we are applying on one other. The natural law is that every action is followed by a reaction. The heat generated in this process is the tension. No one can change this law. To some extent, however, the direction of the action can be changed. Accordingly, the direction of the reaction is also changed. This is what we are doing as the members of the society.
We observe that to at every stage there is strain in relations and because of this fatal tension generates in our mind. In my personal view, the sure cure or prevention of tension can be achieved by practicing spiritualism. This is, however, very difficult. For us, the common men, it is very difficult to practice spiritualism. So far my understanding of spiritualism goes, spiritualism is nothing but knowing nature of the nature. Spiritualism is nothing but the ultimate merging ourselves with the nature and merging ourselves with the nature means following natural law in the society. In my view, it is impossible to follow natural law in the society because the society has been formed against the will of the nature. Therefore, I am not talking of spiritualism or the nature. I am talking of the society and us, its constituents. I am talking of the process other the process of spiritualism to minimize the gravity of tension and thereby increase the sustainability of mind and body.
We know that nature has not made relations. Relations have been made by the society and expectation is the product of relations. Each one of us has expectation from others. We interact with others with certain expectations. We expect from others reciprocity of what we think of or do about others. For anyone, however, it is impossible to match expectations of other. This is so because we cannot weigh the expectations of the others. The moment one finds or feels that the other has not acted according to the former’s expectation, tension takes place in the former’s mind and chain reaction starts.
Why expectation can never be fulfilled? In fact, what one wants to convey through gesture or words or action, the other doesn’t comprehend. The result is that one sometimes or more often misunderstands the other on the basis of his words, actions, gesture etc. and invites tension.
I have posted an article on 16th July, 2015 with title as “Judge by Deeds, Not by Words”. In the said article, I have narrated a real incident which had taken place in my presence. Whereas the said incident caused tension in the mind of my elder cousin, it failed to do so in my mind. Whereas, because of the incident, elder cousin had become very tense, I was smiling at the incident. It is needless to mention that, after the incident, my elder cousin had become captive of thought which the said incident had created in his mind about my mother. What my mother had spoken at that time was taken by him seriously. On the other hand, I had taken very lightly what his mother had spoken at that time. Had my elder been detached a bit from the said incident, he would have saved himself from aftereffects of the said incident. He could not manage the situation whereas I did. This was the difference between how he understood the incident and how I did.
Let’s see how does chain reaction to an action or words starts and has its toll ultimately.
I am proceeding to present four situations. Let’s suppose, in a small family, there are three members- a working husband-‘A’, a house wife-‘B’ and a school going child-‘C’. Let’s assume that, during the day, husband ‘A’ is in office, wife ‘B’ at home and the child ‘C’ in school. Suppose, normally, husband ‘A’ comes home before the child ‘C’ does. Normally, all wait each other to meet in the evening and when they meet, each one of them feels relaxed and happy. The wife ‘B’ greets husband ‘A’ with smile in the evening. The husband ‘A’ reciprocates her. Thereafter, both of them wait for the child ‘C’. When the child ‘C’ comes, ‘A’ and ‘B’ together greet ‘C’ with love and affection. The child ‘C’ too reciprocates his parents with innocuous and loving face. All the three are happy and there is no tension in the family. This is the first situation.
Let’s see what happens in the second situation. While in the office, ‘A’ is not aware that the mood of his boss is off. As usual, ‘A’ enters the chamber of his boss to discuss a matter. During the discussion, his boss shouts at ‘A’ and, at this, ‘A” is taken aback. He feels that he is absolutely right and there is no reason for such harsh treatment on the part of his boss. ‘A’ also loses his temper. He loses control over his reaction. He becomes very offensive. The incident is followed by hot exchanges between the two leading to an ugly situation in which ‘A’ is charged for unbecoming of a government servant. By what is it followed? It is followed by tension in the life of ‘A’. Though, subsequently, both of them realized that what had happened on their part was not proper, it was too late. When ‘A’ reaches home, his wife finds him sad. She becomes sympathetic to him. She too, however, becomes sad. Child comes home. Like his parents, he too becomes sad. Tension took toll on all of them.
In the third situation, ‘A’ does not outwardly react to his boss on account of fear of action against him. Internally, however, he becomes very much furious. He comes out of the chamber of his boss. Thereafter, his mood remained off till the office is closed. After the office is closed, he comes home where his wife is eagerly waiting for him. As usual, she opens the door and greets his husband with smile. She hugs him. The husband, however, becomes furious at his wife’s gesture and shouts at her asking what this sort of stupidity is. The manner of the husband is sufficient to make the wife fall from the sky. She does not know what was happened to her husband in the office. She, however, does not pause to try to understand the reason behind such abnormal behavior on the part of her husband. She too becomes furious. Both of them stop talking to each other and keep themselves aloof.
At last, the child comes. In the school, the child was eagerly waiting for the last bell to ring so that he might rush home and join his parents whom he loves too much. He reaches home and rang the doorbell. Outside the door, he is waiting for her parents with beaming smile to open the door. As soon as the door opens, he hugs her mother fervently. What happens? He was not aware that the mood of his mother was bitterly off. The mother forcefully frees herself from the clutches and grip of her child and rushed hurriedly inside her room.
Let’s assume the condition of the mind of the child when he was at the door of his house. What was his expectation from his parents at that time? He was feeling as if he was in the sky at the threshold the heaven. The moment the door is opened, however, he falls from the sky to the ground. As against what he was feeling, he finds just opposite thing. The result is that he too becomes fiercely angry at his mother but what he can do.
The husband had passed ire onto his wife and the wife had passed ire onto the child. Onto whom the child would pass on the ire? He would pass on the ire onto his bags and the articles which were available in the drawing room irrespective of the fact that the articles are very valuable. Crying loudly, therefore, he flings away his school bag and throws on the ground whichever article he found in the drawing room and thereby gave vent to his anger.
Let’s assume the fourth situation. ‘A’ has a good understanding about his boss and the good understanding has been formed on the basis of the temperament of his boss which ‘A’ has been noticing in normal course of interaction with his boss. Therefore, on being shouted upon by his boss, he does not change his opinion about his boss and thinks that there might be some reason because of which the mood of the boss was off.
After a while, ‘A’ again enters the chamber of his boss. He is fully alert this time. First of all, he gauges the mood of his boss and when he finds that the boss has come in normal mode, he begs pardon to start discussion. The boss becomes impressed with the politeness of ‘A’. He realizes that he had unnecessarily shouted upon ‘A’. On his behavior, the boss says sorry to ‘A’. ‘A’ becomes very pleased on being heard sorry from his boss. Happily, he comes home and responds to his wife with same intensity of love which he usually receives from her. Happily, he mentions the incident of the office to his wife. Thereafter, both eagerly wait for their child. The child, when comes, finds that his mummy and papa are more happy than before and as soon as he enters the house he feels as if he has landed in the heaven.
What do we observe? We observe that in all the four situations, actions of the boss had been followed by the reaction of ‘A’. In the second and third situations, ‘A’ misjudged his boss on the basis of the words used by his boss and his temperament.
In the second situation, ‘A’ reacted at the moment. What he had felt he expressed violently at the moment itself. The moment he reacted to his boss violently, his tension was subsidized to a large extent. The gravity of the tension had become very less but what followed. It was followed by action started against ‘A’. The tension having less intensity spread during the period following the incident. The incident creates worry in the mind of ‘A’ with respect to his service.
In third situation, ‘A’ did not react at the moment on account of fear of action against him. Reaction, however, took place in his mind. It was stored in the mind of ‘A’. He could have expressed his reaction as soon as he came out of the chamber of his officer by knocking at the wall or shouting it his juniors. He, however, fearing reaction from the wall or juniors did not react. He remained upset. He was boiling from inside. He had become a volcano. The volcano erupted when he entered his house. We have seen what happened and what havoc his reaction caused.
On the other hand, in the fourth situation, ‘A’ did not go by the words used and his temperament shown by his boss. He rather looked back and judged his boss on the basis of their action normally performed daily by him and not on the basis of the words used by his boss on that fateful day.
It is not that he did not react. He reacted wisely. He used his force to divert the verbal onslaught of his boss. The words of his boss could reach the mind of ‘A’ though his boss felt that his words had penetrated the mind of ‘A’.
Naturally, therefore, if we judge anyone on the basis of the instant temperament or bitter words uttered by him on some day or in a particular situation, our judgement would be fallacious. The judgement of ‘A’ about his boss, ‘B’ about ‘A’ and ‘C’ about ‘B’ which was formed on that fateful day did great harm to the family of ‘A’ , ‘B’ and ‘C’.
I would give another example. Once upon a time, I had been aware that my stand was right and I had done no wrong. But when I was questioned by a very senior officer, I could not have replied. I had kept mum. I could not have said that it was the wrong action on the part of my immediate boss and not on my part and the wrong action had taken place on account of a wrong practice adopted in the Department
When I came out from the chamber of the said senior officer and came across with my immediate boss, I sharply reacted to him. I was very new in the Department, perhaps at probation. I hated speaking lie. It was impossible for me to hide anything. When I reacted to my immediate boss, he smiled. He asked me to follow him to his chamber. I obeyed accordingly. There, in his chamber, he told me that I was not aware of what subordination is and this was the reason why I had taken the matter so seriously. He told me that, by and by, I would learn the art of subordination. He jokingly told me about a conversation which had taken place between an Administrative Officer (AO) and his junior (DOS). As per the narration of my boss, once upon a time, the AO was telling the DOS that once in the life of the AO both Dussera and Diwali fell on the same day. To this, the DOS responded saying that ‘yes sir’ sometimes it happened like this. When, however, the conversation ended and the DOS came out of the chamber of the AO, he laughed at his boss, the AO and narrated it among his colleagues. By narrating this, what my boss conveyed to me was that bosses are not the great people. They are like all of us. We should not expect greatness from our bosses. Accordingly, even we know that we are right, we should not try to correct the boss at the moment itself. We should convey the correct facts later on when the situation becomes conducive.
Here comes the role of the media, the politicians, the law enforcing authorities and the bodies who shape our education policies. They are the leaders of the society. They should not glorify reaction of any sort. Alas! What do we observe? We observe that the media and the politicians tend to create mountain out of a mole and thereby instantaneous reaction takes causing so much unrest in the society. They love those people who are expert in creating mountain out of the mole. Such people are most sought after in the world of media and the politicians. Such people form a class which includes lawyers, critiques, TV anchors, all politicians, almost all participants in TV debates, human right activists, NGOs, the bodies which claim to fight for the women, minorities SC/ST and the like. These people are expert in hair splitting job and it would not be exaggeration to say that we have mortgaged our thinking ability to these people inasmuch as we tend to blindly follow them. We are not led to know the context in or intent with which few words have been used by someone. It is projected the image of such person who has used some words in lighter mood, or in particular context as if he is burden on the earth. If he is public figure, we raise cudgel against him and come out on the street demanding his stepping down from the public post. Our behavior is such that we are 100% pure and the person who has uttered the words in the lighter mood or in anger or in a particular context. What I stress here is that we should remain alert so that unscrupulous organs of the society may not use us as tools to further their narrow ends. Otherwise, all the times we would remain tense in the negative atmosphere created by the media and the politicians. The law enforcing authorities and the bodies who shape our education policies should come forward and save the common people from the negative forces created by the media and the politicians.